"For God So Loved the World, that She Gave Her Only Daughter..."

Are you uncomfortable with the Bible's patriarchal bias? Are you tired of its misogynistic undertones? Are you offended by scripture's use of masculine pronouns when referring to the Almighty? Well, then perhaps you need a different translation:

New Bible Shows Christ as a Woman, God as Female

A new edition of the Gospels of the Bible for the first time shows Christ as a woman, named Judith Christ of Nazareth, and God as female. In all other respects, the classic texts of the Gospels remain unchanged.

The publisher, LBI Institute, has released this new Bible entitled: "Judith Christ of Nazareth, The Gospels of the Bible, Corrected to Reflect that Christ Was a Woman, Extracted from Matthew, Mark, Luke and John." The book is available in bookstores and online.

"This long-awaited revised text of the Gospels makes the moral message of Christ more accessible to many, and more illuminating to all," says Billie Shakespeare, V.P. for the publisher. "It is empowering. We published this new Bible to acknowledge the rise of women in society."

This new Bible includes: The Parable of the Prodigal Daughter, The Lady's Prayer, and other revised favorite passages, such as:


• Her birth - Luke 2: ⁴And Joseph went to Bethlehem. ⁵To be enrolled with Mary, his wife, who was then pregnant. ⁷And she brought forth her firstborn child. ²¹And her name was chosen to be Judith.
  
  
• Her crucifixion - John 19: ¹⁷And She bearing her cross went forth. ¹⁸There they crucified Judith.
  
  
• Her resurrection - Matthew 28: ¹Mary Magdalene and the other Mary came to see the tomb. ⁵But the angel said to the women, "Do not be afraid, for I know that you seek Judith who was crucified." ⁶"She is not here; for She is risen."

No, this isn't a joke. It's blasphemy.